“I’m not a runner.”

I have never considered myself to be “a runner.” And yet, yesterday I ran a half marathon.

Simply because I said I would. I didn’t feel ready. I was scared. I knew I’d be slow. And today, everything hurts. But, the simple act of doing something I committed to doing, reminded me that we can do anything we put our minds to. And although that sounds cheesy AF. I do believe it’s true. Trust me, it was not pretty and it was not easy. And I could quite happily NOT have done it, especially given I had food poisoning 6 days ago. And by the way, there would have been no shame in that. But somehow, the fact that I wasn’t feeling as vile as I did earlier in the week, gave me the strength to think F*ck it, maybe you can do this.

There’s something about ignoring that little voice that says not to do these things that feels both empowering and yet self-abandoning. All the pros tell you to ignore the voice that tells you you’re not worthy, or you won’t be able to do it, but is that voice so different from the one that tells you to rest, to listen to your body and that it’s ok to slow down? Navigating which voice we’re supposed to listen to and which one we’re supposed to nurture is confusing. But, perhaps by listening to and acknowledging both, we can help reassure the voice that is rooted in fear of failure and rejection, and encourage the one that is telling us to be more connected to our bodies, our hearts and our minds.

Yesterday reminded me of my own resilience, that I’ve survived things I never dreamed I could. And it reminds me not to be too fixed in my idea of who I am, and what I’m capable of. I used to reel off lines like ‘I’m not a runner,’ or ‘some people are runners, I’m just not one of them.’ Often, I find myself doing the same thing in small ways. Like I’m repeating a script or a narrative without even realising it.

I’ve described this phase of my life as being in phoenix mode. I am reborn, redefining who I am, and reconnecting with my teenage self by returning to the place where I grew up. Sometimes we get so stuck in the script we’ve rehearsed for years, we forget that we can change it. Sure, we can’t undo our past decisions, nor can we start again completely, but by challenging ourselves to try new things and get out of our comfort zone, I’ve found that we come back to our core script, the things that really do define our values and our identity.

So, if you’re reading this thinking, “I could never do that.’ Trust me, you could.

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Hi, I’m Alex, after 16 years in corporate life, mostly spent in Streaming & Editorial at Channel 4, I took a wild leap and moved back home to Portugal where I’ve set up my own professional coaching and freelance consulting business, alongside offering style coaching as The Clothes Coach: Personal Styling & Coaching and Colour Analysis for Interiors with The Colour Season Studio.